KGB Yard Sale

2012-01-25T16:55:00.002-08:00

Hopeful bear.

2012-01-25T16:55:00.001-08:00

2012-01-24T21:52:00.000-08:00

Comic by Tom Gauld

2012-01-24T15:35:00.000-08:00

Old blue eyes, drawn by Doogie

2012-01-24T12:02:00.000-08:00

I like to imagine this guy thinking, "what else could go wrong?" a split second before he hears the train whistle blow.

2012-01-24T08:19:00.000-08:00

David Shrigley, Easter Bunny, 2002. via Leg of Lamb

2012-01-23T08:23:00.000-08:00

via Epic4Chan

2012-01-23T08:16:00.000-08:00

Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed.

The first sentence of Ulysses, by James Joyce.

Patton Oswalt, Beleaguered from Two Sides

2012-01-22T21:53:00.000-08:00

Recently on his blog, Patton Oswalt recounted an argument he had with a rude audience member who was filming his set. However someone else at the show that night thought Patton was the one being rude, not the audience member, and wrote a post about it to back up their assertion.

This is a Rashomon moment. Who is right? The respected, intelligent comedian whose work I've admired for years, or a random stranger with a skewed view of the situation?

(This post brought to you by Toshiro Mifune.)

the Spoon-O-Phonic 5000

2012-01-22T11:34:00.001-08:00

Let’s face it: your grandaddy’s spoon just can’t cut it in today’s modern world of wifi soups and four-dimensional yogurt cups.

Stuff the Ice Chest

2012-01-20T10:53:00.001-08:00

2012-01-20T07:33:00.001-08:00

"Good is the enemy of Great."

—Someone

2012-01-20T07:26:00.000-08:00

Obama in Disneyworld, via National Journal [photo: Haraz N. Ghanbari/AP]

2012-01-19T22:48:00.000-08:00

written by Personal Message

2012-01-19T15:11:00.000-08:00

"I am putting myself to the fullest possible use, which is all I think that any conscious entity can ever hope to do."

—HAL 9000

2012-01-19T14:50:00.000-08:00

Andy Warhol photographed by Weegee c. 1965, via thisisn'thappiness

2012-01-19T11:46:00.000-08:00

Edward Hopper, Self Portrait, 1925-1930

2012-01-19T08:49:00.000-08:00

Bill Watterson, self portrait

2012-01-19T07:06:00.000-08:00

I think I'm going to post some artist portraits. Here's Brancusi in his studio, making sculptures with an axe, like men do. Photo via Daily Icon.

2012-01-18T14:40:00.001-08:00

Stop SOPA

2012-01-18T07:13:00.000-08:00

A lot of sites are going dark today to protest SOPA, a bill that would infringe free expression on the internet. The law wouldn't benefit anyone except large entertainment companies who are trying to muscle it through congress. KGB Yardsale is not going dark because I'm not tech saavy enough to know how to make that happen. BUT IF I KNEW HOW TO DO IT I WOULD!

Popular blog Superpunch is putting an interesting spin on the blackout idea by remaining online, but linking to stories from major old media sites instead of posting its usual eclectic mix of art, videos, and news. If SOPA passed, this is the kind of boring crap blogs would have to do to avoid risking copyright infringement and being shut down.

2012-01-17T14:23:00.000-08:00

Here's a good interview over at Mirth Magazine, talking to Marc Maron about how WTF started, and how it's evolved.

2012-01-17T10:27:00.001-08:00

via TopherChris

2012-01-17T07:30:00.000-08:00

Mr. Warmth, via Julia Segal

2012-01-16T19:50:00.000-08:00

My favorite part of the announcer's play-by-play is when he says, "John Hood is there with Evel Knievel, discussing . . . whatever you discuss at this moment."

2012-01-14T16:00:00.001-08:00

2012-01-13T14:18:00.000-08:00

via Guinea Pigs with Hats

2012-01-13T10:44:00.000-08:00

Some friends of mine, drawn by Doogie Horner

2012-01-13T07:22:00.000-08:00

drawn by Doogie Horner

2012-01-12T09:12:00.000-08:00

"People ask me to predict the future, when all I want to do is prevent it."

—Ray Bradbury, Beyond 1984: the People Machines

2012-01-12T08:42:00.000-08:00

via Epic 4Chan

Political Essay

2012-01-12T08:29:00.000-08:00

Why the Two-Party System Doesn't Work, According to the Guy Who Was Also Trying to Throw a Party Last Night

by Doogie Horner, via the AV Club

Hot News from the street art scene

2012-01-11T13:50:00.000-08:00

UK newspaper the Mail on Sunday has discovered Banksy's identity: He's a person!

That's right, BANKSY IS PEOPLE!

To Serve Man . . . it's a tennis book! [joke © John Kensil]

2012-01-11T08:52:00.000-08:00

Eli Cash and Richie Tenenbaum, via I'm Stupid; I'm Smarting.

2012-01-10T13:19:00.000-08:00

"Life isn't a support system for art. It's the other way around."

--Stephen King, from On Writing

On Writing is the best book I've ever read about writing—but please don't interpret my poor writing skills as a strike against it. If I hadn't read On Writing I'd be even worse.

My favorite thing about the book is King's demystification of the artistic process, manifested in practical advice such as "2nd draft = 1st draft minus 20%." He makes writing seem fun, which is the way it should be. And he uses curse words every now and then, which I like.

A New Colbert Emerges

2012-01-10T08:33:00.001-08:00

Great article up at the New York Times about Stephen Colbert's continuing transformation into a legitimate politician—or at least a comedian who's educating the public about legitimate political problems. From the article by Charles McGrath:

In August, during the run-up to the Ames straw poll, some Iowans were baffled to turn on their TVs and see a commercial that featured shots of ruddy-cheeked farm families, an astronaut on the moon and an ear of hot buttered corn. It urged viewers to cast write-in votes for Rick Perry by spelling his name with an “a” — “for America.” A voice-over at the end announced that the commercial had been paid for by an organization called Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow, which is the name of Colbert’s super PAC . . .

Just as baffling as the Iowa corn ads — at least to the uninitiated — were some commercials Colbert produced taking the side of the owners during the recent N.B.A. lockout. These were also sponsored by Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow, but they were “made possible,” according to the voice-over, by Colbert Super PAC SHH Institute. Super PAC SHH (as in “hush”) is Colbert’s 501(c)(4). He has one of those too — an organization that can accept unlimited amounts of money from corporations without disclosing their names and can then give that money to a regular PAC, which would otherwise be required to report corporate donations. “What’s the difference between that and money laundering?” Colbert said to me delightedly.

Read the rest here. Photo by Todd Heisler/the New York Times.

2012-01-10T07:25:00.000-08:00

Kurt Vonnegut, the Beastie Boys, and Tom Waits, shot by Danny Clinch.

2012-01-09T14:41:00.000-08:00

drawn by Doogie

Gotta catch 'em all

2012-01-09T11:25:00.000-08:00

Olly Moss is going to draw all of the 151 first generation Pokemon, then sell them as prints whose run coincides with how rare that Pokemon is. Awesome idea! via Superpunch.

2012-01-08T20:07:00.000-08:00

Photo by Ben Anderson, via LPV Magazine.

2012-01-07T13:48:00.000-08:00

This was an actual MSN headline. I would love to know whether or not MSN realizes how sad it is.

2012-01-06T09:26:00.001-08:00

via Doogie

2012-01-06T08:46:00.000-08:00

Last night I was at an open mic with a friend, and the comic on stage started making fun of hipsters. He said, "Look at all the hipsters in the crowd!" I leaned into my friend with the intention of whispering, "This guy is dumb, there aren't any hipsters in the crowd," but I leaned in too close and our giant, plastic-framed glasses bumped into each other with a loud clatter.

David Cross

2012-01-06T07:29:00.000-08:00

The AV Club has a great interview up with David Cross where he discusses The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret, Chipwrecked, and Mr. Show. Photo by Portroids.

2012-01-05T14:35:00.000-08:00

Famous album covers with the dead band members erased, by LIVE!, via this isn't happiness

Bill Clinton Fan Fiction

2012-01-05T09:49:00.000-08:00

That's right, this exists: Presidential fan fiction where Bill Clinton solves murders, written by Harry Disco [a pseudonym? perhaps]. My favorite title is The Dead Meddlesome Mother, although The Dead Bookmaker on the Golf Course is good too. I like to imagine that title originally started as just the Bookmaker, before "Harry" had this discussion with his editor.

Editor: Mr. President--
Harry: Please don't use my real name. This line might not be secure.
Editor: Oh sorry, I mean, Harry, your new book looks great! However, let's discuss the title.
Harry: Okay, but make it quick, Hillary is calling me for dinner.
Editor: The titular Bookmaker, is he dead?
Harry: Yes.
Editor: Good. Mystery: People like that stuff. Where did he die?
Harry: On the golf course.
Editor: Well, throw that in the title too. It'll draw in golf fans.

the Ministry of Secret Jokes

2012-01-05T09:00:00.000-08:00

The Ministry of Secret Jokes is next Wednesday, January 11th, at 8pm, and Santa Claus is going to be there. I know, I know, I should have booked him for December instead of January, but his fee is much lower if you book him out of season.

2012-01-04T21:28:00.001-08:00

One night while telling jokes, the mic cut out on me. Most comedians would panic, abort the mission, or pressure their girlfriend into aborting the mission. Instead I attempted what no comedian has ever done before: switching microphones mid-performance.

2012-01-04T11:00:00.001-08:00

Jean-Michel Basquiat, Reclining Nude, 1983. via Cave to Canvas

2012-01-04T10:06:00.000-08:00

via Lost Tracks

2012-01-04T08:39:00.000-08:00

Constantin Brancusi, Bird in Space

2012-01-04T07:08:00.000-08:00

via Heroin Killed the Rockstar

2012-01-03T14:56:00.000-08:00

I admire people who don't let being bad at something stop them from doing it. I love Bob Dylan's albums The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan, Bringing it All Back Home, and Blonde on Blonde, because, obviously, they're flawless. But I admire Knocked Out Loaded, which is a shitty album in the middle of a bunch of crappy albums [Shot of Love, Empire Burlesque]. Despite the negative reviews, Dylan kept making music, and eventually he came back better than ever with Time Out of Mind, Love and Theft, and Modern Times. Although who knows, maybe he thinks Knocked Out Loaded is great.

2012-01-03T09:28:00.000-08:00

"If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don't have to worry about answers."

--Gravity's Rainbow, Thomas Pynchon

Faith in Sports and Politics

2012-01-03T08:16:00.000-08:00

Chuck Klosterman wrote a great article over at Grantland about how Tim Tebow polarizes spectators. Whether you like him or not seems to hinge on a question of faith, which Klosterman links to American politics in this passage:

Throughout the 20th century, there were only two presidents who won reelection with a bad economy and high unemployment: FDR in 1936 and Reagan in 1984. In both cases, the incumbent presidents were able to argue that their preexisting plans for jump-starting the economy were better than the hypothetical plans of their opponents (Alf Landon and Walter Mondale, respectively). Both incumbents made a better case for what they intended to do, and both enjoyed decisive victories. In 2012, Barack Obama will face a similar situation. But what will happen if his ultimate opponent provides no plan for him to refute? What if his opponent merely says, "Have faith in me. Have faith that I will figure everything out and that I can fix the economy, because I have faith in the American people. Together, we have faith in each other."

How do you refute the non-argument of meaningful faith?

You (usually) don't. You (usually) lose.

Read the rest of the article here.

2012-01-02T13:48:00.000-08:00

"No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed, and love of power."

--P.J. O'Rourke

a Family Tree of Literary Detectives

2012-01-02T12:55:00.000-08:00

I wrote and designed this chart (with the help of Walter Green) for the Believer back in June 2011. It charts the chronology, authorship, and influence of fictional literary detectives. I also organized the detectives into stylistic groups: hard-boiled, gentleman, kid, sci-fi, etc.

2012-01-02T11:13:00.000-08:00

Oops, it turns out it was only Zach G. half day, because here's Steve Martin. Photo by David Andrako.

2012-01-02T10:35:00.000-08:00

Apparently it's Zach Galifianakis day here at the yardsale.

2012-01-02T07:31:00.000-08:00

New Year's Resolutions

2011-12-31T11:25:00.001-08:00

1. Write list of resolutions.

2. Keep list short.

Holiday Jokes

2011-12-30T15:39:00.000-08:00

Is it too late for holiday jokes? Well, here are some anyhow.

2011-12-30T12:42:00.001-08:00

I know it's been said before, but I'll say it again: this song transcends its simple lyrics and melody to achieve a surprising poignancy. I mean, Bob's just saying things that have been said a million times: "Love is all there is, it makes the world go round." Is there a more cliched sentiment? I guess, "All you need is love," might qualify. Anyhow, when those simple lyrics are sung in the context of this simple song, they sound complex, as though they've never been sung before. "One thing's for certain, you will surely be a-hurtin, if you throw it all away."

2011-12-30T12:35:00.000-08:00

Via Hey Oscar Wilde! Illustrated by Chris Ware, scanned from The Acme Novelty Joke Book, Fantagraphics, 1996.

2011-12-29T23:11:00.000-08:00

The King: Las Vegas, 1970. Via Magnificent Ruin

Nick Cave

2011-12-29T15:00:00.000-08:00

Soundsuits by Nick Cave, watch them in action here.

2011-12-29T13:25:00.000-08:00

Sexy Banana, from Everything Explained Through Flowcharts

2011-12-29T11:04:00.000-08:00

Conservation status: Least Concern, via Wikipedia

the Green Knight

2011-12-28T23:21:00.001-08:00

The holidays have laid me low.

I can't blog.

I just read part of Sir Gaiwan and the Green Knight.

I read the part where the Green Knight shows up

and Gaiwan chops his head off.

Then the Knight picks his head up

and says, A year from now

I'll return the blow.

Then he rides off. Super badass, the green knight.

I have to admit,

that's the only part of the story I've ever read.

But I've read it ten times.

2011-12-27T13:10:00.000-08:00

"The true delight is in the finding out rather than in the knowing."

--Isaac Asimov, via

Love poem

2011-12-27T10:56:00.001-08:00

Your lips are like grapes--sweet,

succulent,

plump with forbidden juices.

Your eyes are like two peeled grapes. Round,

an indiscriminate fleshy color.

Your nose is like three grapes.

Your ears are approximately four grapes each.

Your teeth are like 32 grapes

I forget how many grapes are in an adult's mouth

I think it's 32?

Your toes are stinky little grapes.

Your head is one big beautiful grape;

I think you're just grape.

Christmas Tragedies

2011-12-24T08:41:00.000-08:00

1. Grandma run over by reindeer

2. Christmas goose too silly for consumption

3. Rendition of Jingle Bell Rock doesn’t rock the way a song with the word “rock” in its title should

4. Nakatomi Towers taken over by terrorists

5. Global warming turns out to not be a liberal media scam; Santa’s operation at the North Pole melts and sinks beneath the Arctic Ocean’s icy waves.

6. Elves unionize

7. Born Jewish

8. Rabid squirrel in Christmas tree

9. Christmas bonus actually just a ham

10. Father dresses as Santa: falls off roof; gets stuck in chimney; kisses Mommy

11. Mogwai gets wet

12. Left at home while family goes on trip to Paris; forced to fight burglars

13. Ghost of your former business partner drops by and gives you a hard time for being a humbug

14. You have four different Christmases to go to in ONE SINGLE DAY!

15. You shoot your eye out

16. Caught under mistletoe with lecherous stepparent, and your eyes lock for one second too long

17. Father leaves to buy cigarettes, never returns

18. That sweater you're wearing is the real tragedy!

19. You discover that the true meaning of Christmas is soulless capitalism

20. All the Christmas presents and decorations are stolen from your tiny village . . . or is it a tragedy after all?

excerpt from Everything Explained Through Flowcharts

2011-12-23T23:02:00.001-08:00

12/24/11

2011-12-23T12:06:00.001-08:00

I'll be home for Christmas.

Spacemen fighting giant insects

2011-12-23T07:51:00.001-08:00

More old illustrations! Drawn by me.

These were drawn around a loose story, which is that astronauts go to a planet and take insects with them for research. But some weird radiation makes the insects grow really big. And then shit gets real. My favorite is the one of the guy roasting the bug over the lava pit. Click to embiggen. Does that need to be said anymore? WELL I SAID IT.

2011-12-22T14:48:00.001-08:00

How tall is Tom Cruise? The AWL examines the shifting heights of the cast of Mission Impossible 4.

Twitter getting bitter?

2011-12-22T09:12:00.000-08:00

Researchers at the University of Vermont have culled data that suggests Twitter users have gotten sadder over the past three years. They do this by:

. . . tracking a huge number of key words, ranging from everyday, neutral words like "the" to more emotive words like "pancakes" or "suicide"

I love that in this context, pancakes are the opposite of suicide. Makes sense. Read the article here at the Verge.

the Nutracker/Die Hard mashup

2011-12-21T20:37:00.000-08:00

I did these drawings when I was a sophomore in college. I wanted to be an artist, but all I enjoyed drawing were people fighting, which is probably totally normal and not something to worry about. I spent long hours writing detailed descriptions of convoluted, violent fairy tales, such as the Nutcracker/Die Hard mashup seen above. (I imagined the tree was Nakatomi Towers.) I did a dozen or so illustrations, and these are my favorites from the series; I'm not sure why the last one is black and white.

2011-12-21T11:45:00.000-08:00

Unicorn paintings by Mitchell Landsman.

2011-12-21T07:57:00.000-08:00

Take this with you! It's the head of Union General Winfield Scott Hancock attached to the body of a fighting gamecock. Is this a nod to the general's combative spirit as well as a play on his name? Perhaps!

2011-12-20T15:38:00.000-08:00

Available as a kit [!] from Katie Kutthroat on Etsy.

2011-12-19T21:33:00.000-08:00

Still the best Joker.

2011-12-19T09:13:00.000-08:00

Awesome diorama photos by Richard Barnes.

2011-12-19T07:23:00.000-08:00

Billin' like a villain, via generic eric

Socks

2011-12-16T13:26:00.000-08:00

Socks are like feet gloves.

Gloves are like hand socks.

Hands are like arm feet.

Give me five arm feet digits.

Slap them against the sole of my hand.

Feet are like leg hands

especially if you're a monkey.

Banana peels are like fruit jackets

expensive ones that only bananas can afford.

Jackets are like abdomen socks.

Abdomens are kind of like bananas.

If it's the abdomen of someone slouchy.

Sock monkeys are like monkeys made out of socks.

They are exactly like that.

They are that.

2011-12-16T12:46:00.000-08:00

"In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts: they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty."

–R. W. Emerson

via the New Shelton Wet/Dry

Mad Honey

2011-12-16T12:43:00.001-08:00

Check this out:

"Mad honey is honey made by bees from the nectar of toxic Rhododendron flowers. In places where wild Rhododendrons grow, including Turkey, it’s a health hazard. The dangers of mad honey were known to the ancient Greeks and Romans, and it’s reported that leaving tainted honeycombs in the path of invading armies was a popular military tactic."

--excerpt from article at Neuroskeptic

The fact that ancient armies used to plant organically booby-trapped honeycombs in the path of their enemies blows my mind.

Another Banksy

2011-12-16T11:13:00.001-08:00

Bad Cardinal, via Juxtapoz

Famous comics emailing angrily

2011-12-16T10:36:00.001-08:00

Judd Apatow and Mark Brazill had a hilarious, angry email exchange that is reprinted here at Harper's. It's impressive how Apatow keeps his cool and tries to reach an understanding. Even near the end, when Apatow finally delivers a devastating k.o. punch, he keeps it classy.

Phinally I'm a real Philebrity, it's ophicial.

2011-12-15T12:41:00.000-08:00

Won it by 7 votes! It's a holiday miracle. Of all the many honors that have been bestowed upon me [there have been 2], none means as much to me as this one, which was bequeathed by the people of my native land, Wawasville aka Illadelphia. Now Johnny Goodtimes has to let me sit with him and the Geator at their table in the back room of Chickie and Pete's.

2011-12-15T11:28:00.000-08:00

Murray and Thompson, where the buffalo roam. Via Yimmy's Yayo

2011-12-15T09:15:00.000-08:00

Drawing by Leonard Robert Brightwell

Ambigram

2011-12-14T13:27:00.001-08:00

For Christmas, Joe Moore drew my name as an ambigram. Thanks Joe!

Frank Sinatra has a Cold

2011-12-14T09:21:00.000-08:00

There's a great old article about Frank, written by Gay Talese, over at Esquire. Some of my favorite parts:

This very strange boast about Sinatra:

"He controls the menus of every Italian restaurant in Los Angeles; if you want North Italian cooking, fly to Milan...."

And his run in with a young Harlan Ellison, who was shooting pool while wearing a pair of boots Sinatra didn't like:

Then Sinatra moved away from the stool and walked with that slow, arrogant swagger of his toward Ellison, the hard tap of Sinatra's shoes the only sound in the room. Then, looking down at Ellison with a slightly raised eyebrow and a tricky little smile, Sinatra asked: "You expecting a storm?"

Harlan Ellison moved a step to the side. "Look, is there any reason why you're talking to me?"

"I don't like the way you're dressed," Sinatra said.

"Hate to shake you up," Ellison said, "but I dress to suit myself."

Now there was some rumbling in the room, and somebody said, "Com'on, Harlan, let's get out of here," and Leo Durocher made his pool shot and said, "Yeah, com'on."

But Ellison stood his ground.

Sinatra said, "What do you do?"

"I'm a plumber," Ellison said.

"No, no, he's not," another young man quickly yelled from across the table. "He wrote The Oscar."

"Oh, yeah," Sinatra said, "well I've seen it, and it's a piece of crap."

"That's strange," Ellison said, "because they haven't even released it yet."

"Well, I've seen it," Sinatra repeated, "and it's a piece of crap."

Read the rest of the article here.

2011-12-13T21:40:00.001-08:00

via Ffffound

new Banksy

2011-12-13T14:03:00.001-08:00

New Banksy in London, via freshngood.

2011-12-13T10:01:00.001-08:00

via Always Intense. BTW, I M DLOD RITE NOW. LKAB.

the Ministry of Secret Jokes: Holiday Secrets

2011-12-13T08:10:00.000-08:00

The Ministry of Secret Jokes is this Wednesday at 8pm, upstairs at Fergie's Pub, 1214 Sansom St. We have a great lineup! Lots of special holiday stuff including songs, stories, and dramedy [dramatic comedy]. There will also be some tramedy [tragic comedy], balmedy [soothing comedy], and Tomedy [Tom jokes].

BUT SERIOUSLY: We'll have Gary Vider, Mike Robinson, Dagger, Juliet Hope Wayne, Amir Golan, Animosity Pierre, and of course an Omniana battle between James Hesky and Mayo. Also Andrew Marsh will be doing a special musical interpretation of the opening secret oath.

Now I have a machine gun: ho ho ho.

The Symbolism Survey

2011-12-12T19:58:00.000-08:00

The images above are responses from Ralph Ellison and Ray Bradbury to Bruce McAllister, a high school student and budding writer who mailed 150 well-known authors a questionnaire about symbolism. Bruce received a surprising amount of letters in return, including responses from Jack Kerouac, Saul Bellow, and a hilariously rude Ayn Rand (who nonetheless answered all his questions). You can see more letters at the Paris Review.

2011-12-11T22:14:00.000-08:00

Han Solo's gun! via Tomorrow Started. You can tell, just by looking at this gun, that Han was the type of guy who always shot first.