Photo by Simen Johan, via But Does it Float. Do yourself a favor and embiggen it.

Mr. Pig, working at the office. Drawn by Doogie

My set list. It killed.

Presents

I have problems if I buy a present for a friend, and it's a present I would like myself—let's say, hypothetically, an Admiral Ackbar action figure. It stares at me through the lucite window, whispering: I could be yours. Open the box.

I can't keep that present in the house for long. I call my friend daily.

"Hey! Let's meet up and celebrate your birthday."

"I have a cool present for you. Let's get together."

"Please pick up your phone. We need to meet. Got a great present for you!"

I finally see my friend a week later. "Happy birthday! I got you a pack of cigarettes!"

What I'm reading.

Buster Keaton, catching up on some reading. Via Golden Age Comic Book Stories

You, Me, Them, Everybody

I was recently interviewed on Brandon Wetherbee's podcast talkshow alongside Carolyn Busa and Robbie Bennett. Mr. Wetherbee is the rare interviewer who can be described as "charmingly confrontational." I highly recommend being interviewed by him, if you haven't already. If you'd like to hear his thoughts on the City of Brotherly Love, and my short story about spontaneous brunch porn, you can listen to the podcast here.

Hopeful bear.

Comic by Tom Gauld

Old blue eyes, drawn by Doogie

I like to imagine this guy thinking, "what else could go wrong?" a split second before he hears the train whistle blow.

David Shrigley, Easter Bunny, 2002. via Leg of Lamb

via Epic4Chan

Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed.

The first sentence of Ulysses, by James Joyce.

Patton Oswalt, Beleaguered from Two Sides

Recently on his blog, Patton Oswalt recounted an argument he had with a rude audience member who was filming his set. However someone else at the show that night thought Patton was the one being rude, not the audience member, and wrote a post about it to back up their assertion.

This is a Rashomon moment. Who is right? The respected, intelligent comedian whose work I've admired for years, or a random stranger with a skewed view of the situation?

(This post brought to you by Toshiro Mifune.)

the Spoon-O-Phonic 5000

Let’s face it: your grandaddy’s spoon just can’t cut it in today’s modern world of wifi soups and four-dimensional yogurt cups.

Stuff the Ice Chest

"Good is the enemy of Great."

—Someone

Obama in Disneyworld, via National Journal [photo: Haraz N. Ghanbari/AP]

written by Personal Message

"I am putting myself to the fullest possible use, which is all I think that any conscious entity can ever hope to do."

—HAL 9000

Andy Warhol photographed by Weegee c. 1965, via thisisn'thappiness

Edward Hopper, Self Portrait, 1925-1930

Bill Watterson, self portrait

I think I'm going to post some artist portraits. Here's Brancusi in his studio, making sculptures with an axe, like men do. Photo via Daily Icon.

Stop SOPA

A lot of sites are going dark today to protest SOPA, a bill that would infringe free expression on the internet. The law wouldn't benefit anyone except large entertainment companies who are trying to muscle it through congress. KGB Yardsale is not going dark because I'm not tech saavy enough to know how to make that happen. BUT IF I KNEW HOW TO DO IT I WOULD!

Popular blog Superpunch is putting an interesting spin on the blackout idea by remaining online, but linking to stories from major old media sites instead of posting its usual eclectic mix of art, videos, and news. If SOPA passed, this is the kind of boring crap blogs would have to do to avoid risking copyright infringement and being shut down.

Here's a good interview over at Mirth Magazine, talking to Marc Maron about how WTF started, and how it's evolved.

via TopherChris

Mr. Warmth, via Julia Segal

My favorite part of the announcer's play-by-play is when he says, "John Hood is there with Evel Knievel, discussing . . . whatever you discuss at this moment."

via Guinea Pigs with Hats

Some friends of mine, drawn by Doogie Horner

Pulp Fiction Little Golden Book, drawn by Doogie Horner

"People ask me to predict the future, when all I want to do is prevent it."

—Ray Bradbury, Beyond 1984: the People Machines

via Epic 4Chan

Political Essay

Why the Two-Party System Doesn't Work, According to the Guy Who Was Also Trying to Throw a Party Last Night

by Doogie Horner, via the AV Club

Hot News from the street art scene

UK newspaper the Mail on Sunday has discovered Banksy's identity: He's a person!

That's right, BANKSY IS PEOPLE!

To Serve Man . . . it's a tennis book! [joke © John Kensil]

Eli Cash and Richie Tenenbaum, via I'm Stupid; I'm Smarting.

"Life isn't a support system for art. It's the other way around."

--Stephen King, from On Writing

On Writing is the best book I've ever read about writing—but please don't interpret my poor writing skills as a strike against it. If I hadn't read On Writing I'd be even worse.

My favorite thing about the book is King's demystification of the artistic process, manifested in practical advice such as "2nd draft = 1st draft minus 20%." He makes writing seem fun, which is the way it should be. And he uses curse words every now and then, which I like.

A New Colbert Emerges

Great article up at the New York Times about Stephen Colbert's continuing transformation into a legitimate politician—or at least a comedian who's educating the public about legitimate political problems. From the article by Charles McGrath:

In August, during the run-up to the Ames straw poll, some Iowans were baffled to turn on their TVs and see a commercial that featured shots of ruddy-cheeked farm families, an astronaut on the moon and an ear of hot buttered corn. It urged viewers to cast write-in votes for Rick Perry by spelling his name with an “a” — “for America.” A voice-over at the end announced that the commercial had been paid for by an organization called Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow, which is the name of Colbert’s super PAC . . .

Just as baffling as the Iowa corn ads — at least to the uninitiated — were some commercials Colbert produced taking the side of the owners during the recent N.B.A. lockout. These were also sponsored by Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow, but they were “made possible,” according to the voice-over, by Colbert Super PAC SHH Institute. Super PAC SHH (as in “hush”) is Colbert’s 501(c)(4). He has one of those too — an organization that can accept unlimited amounts of money from corporations without disclosing their names and can then give that money to a regular PAC, which would otherwise be required to report corporate donations. “What’s the difference between that and money laundering?” Colbert said to me delightedly.

Read the rest here. Photo by Todd Heisler/the New York Times.

Kurt Vonnegut, the Beastie Boys, and Tom Waits, shot by Danny Clinch.

drawn by Doogie

Gotta catch 'em all

Olly Moss is going to draw all of the 151 first generation Pokemon, then sell them as prints whose run coincides with how rare that Pokemon is. Awesome idea! via Superpunch.

Photo by Ben Anderson, via LPV Magazine.

This was an actual MSN headline. I would love to know whether or not MSN realizes how sad it is.

via Doogie

Last night I was at an open mic with a friend, and the comic on stage started making fun of hipsters. He said, "Look at all the hipsters in the crowd!" I leaned into my friend with the intention of whispering, "This guy is dumb, there aren't any hipsters in the crowd," but I leaned in too close and our giant, plastic-framed glasses bumped into each other with a loud clatter.

David Cross

The AV Club has a great interview up with David Cross where he discusses The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret, Chipwrecked, and Mr. Show. Photo by Portroids.

Famous album covers with the dead band members erased, by LIVE!, via this isn't happiness

Bill Clinton Fan Fiction

That's right, this exists: Presidential fan fiction where Bill Clinton solves murders, written by Harry Disco [a pseudonym? perhaps]. My favorite title is The Dead Meddlesome Mother, although The Dead Bookmaker on the Golf Course is good too. I like to imagine that title originally started as just the Bookmaker, before "Harry" had this discussion with his editor.

Editor: Mr. President--
Harry: Please don't use my real name. This line might not be secure.
Editor: Oh sorry, I mean, Harry, your new book looks great! However, let's discuss the title.
Harry: Okay, but make it quick, Hillary is calling me for dinner.
Editor: The titular Bookmaker, is he dead?
Harry: Yes.
Editor: Good. Mystery: People like that stuff. Where did he die?
Harry: On the golf course.
Editor: Well, throw that in the title too. It'll draw in golf fans.

the Ministry of Secret Jokes

The Ministry of Secret Jokes is next Wednesday, January 11th, at 8pm, and Santa Claus is going to be there. I know, I know, I should have booked him for December instead of January, but his fee is much lower if you book him out of season.

One night while telling jokes, the mic cut out on me. Most comedians would panic, abort the mission, or pressure their girlfriend into aborting the mission. Instead I attempted what no comedian has ever done before: switching microphones mid-performance.

Jean-Michel Basquiat, Reclining Nude, 1983. via Cave to Canvas

via Lost Tracks

Constantin Brancusi, Bird in Space

via Heroin Killed the Rockstar

I admire people who don't let being bad at something stop them from doing it. I love Bob Dylan's albums The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan, Bringing it All Back Home, and Blonde on Blonde, because, obviously, they're flawless. But I admire Knocked Out Loaded, which is a shitty album in the middle of a bunch of crappy albums [Shot of Love, Empire Burlesque]. Despite the negative reviews, Dylan kept making music, and eventually he came back better than ever with Time Out of Mind, Love and Theft, and Modern Times. Although who knows, maybe he thinks Knocked Out Loaded is great.

"If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don't have to worry about answers."

--Gravity's Rainbow, Thomas Pynchon

Faith in Sports and Politics

Chuck Klosterman wrote a great article over at Grantland about how Tim Tebow polarizes spectators. Whether you like him or not seems to hinge on a question of faith, which Klosterman links to American politics in this passage:

Throughout the 20th century, there were only two presidents who won reelection with a bad economy and high unemployment: FDR in 1936 and Reagan in 1984. In both cases, the incumbent presidents were able to argue that their preexisting plans for jump-starting the economy were better than the hypothetical plans of their opponents (Alf Landon and Walter Mondale, respectively). Both incumbents made a better case for what they intended to do, and both enjoyed decisive victories. In 2012, Barack Obama will face a similar situation. But what will happen if his ultimate opponent provides no plan for him to refute? What if his opponent merely says, "Have faith in me. Have faith that I will figure everything out and that I can fix the economy, because I have faith in the American people. Together, we have faith in each other."

How do you refute the non-argument of meaningful faith?

You (usually) don't. You (usually) lose.

Read the rest of the article here.

"No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed, and love of power."

--P.J. O'Rourke

a Family Tree of Literary Detectives

I wrote and designed this chart (with the help of Walter Green) for the Believer back in June 2011. It charts the chronology, authorship, and influence of fictional literary detectives. I also organized the detectives into stylistic groups: hard-boiled, gentleman, kid, sci-fi, etc.