Dognapper

EXT. HOUSE

DOOGIE opens the front door and lets his dog TOBY outside. Toby sniffs around. Suddenly a black van pulls up. A masked KIDNAPPER jumps out holding a knife. He grabs Toby, and jumps back into the van.

DOOGIE

[as van pulls away]

Toby! Where are you going? Is that a friend of yours? Wait, you forgot your leash!

INT. VAN - CONTINUOUS

Toby sits on the passenger seat. The kidnapper drives.

KIDNAPPER

Woo hoo! I did it! Pulled it off without a hitch!

Angle on Toby, staring at the kidnapper.

KIDNAPPER

Kidnapping dogs is a brilliant plan. I don’t know why I never thought of this before! They can’t talk, they can’t identify me, I don’t have to tie them up--

The kidnapper notices Toby staring at him.

KIDNAPPER

[to Toby]

What?

Angle on Toby.

KIDNAPPER

What do you want?

Angle on Toby.

KIDNAPPER

I don’t know what you want.

Toby stares with laser-like intensity at the Kidnapper.

KIDNAPPER

Do you want a walk?

He looks at Toby for a reaction. Toby keeps staring straight at him.

KIDNAPPER

Do you want food? Do you want . . . water? Do you want water?

Toby stares.

KIDNAPPER

Do you want a treat?

Toby stares.

KIDNAPPER

I don’t have any treats.

Toby stares.

KIDNAPPER

I don’t know what you want! I can’t read your mind.

Toby stares at him.

KIDNAPPER

STOP STARING AT ME!!

EXT. HOUSE

Doogie sits on the stoop. The van pulls up and the kidnapper gets out with Toby.

KIDNAPPER

[re: Toby]

What does he want?

Toby stares at Doogie with laser-like intensity.

DOOGIE

I don’t know. Toby, do you want . . . your toy?

Toby wags his tail happily and barks. The kidnapper and Doogie laugh.

DOOGIE

[walks inside]

He wants his toy. I’ll get it.

KIDNAPPER

Dogs sure are funny, aren’t they?

DOOGIE

Yeah, they really know how to communicate, you know?

Doogie walks out and gives Toby his toy. It’s a little gun. Toby puts it in his mouth and turns to face the kidnapper. He stares at him intensely.

KIDNAPPER

[nervous]

What does he want?

DOOGIE

I think he wants your van.

Alan Grayson on Occupy Wall Street

[Click to embiggen] Alan Grayson eloquently encapsulates the goals of Occupy Wall Street protestors. Detractors keep trying to paint the protestors as fringe members of society; dirty hippies, weirdos. They're not. Occupy Wall Street is protesting problems that effect a massive amount of Americans, not just art students and, in P.J. O'Rourke's words, "bongo players." You can see video of this exchange HERE.

the Ministry of Secret Jokes, 10/12

This Wednesday at 8pm, Fergie's Pub, 1214 Sansom St. No more white suit, back to the black suit, summer is over. Going to show some new videos from Secret Pants, I have a friend visiting from NYC, and Brendan Kennedy is guarding the Omniana Championship Belt like King Kong atop the Empire State Building. Come check it out.

Blackboards in Porn

Blackboards in Porn is a blog that celebrates those pornographers who go the extra mile when set dressing classroom porn by actually writing something on the blackboard. What do they write, and is it correct? Don't worry, it's safe for work. They don't show any porn, just lots of blackboards and awful acting. Check it out.

Batman v Superman

“Superman is the American Dream. Batman is the American Truth.”
— Bryan Edward Hill

Do you know where I saw that quote? I saw it on This Isn't Happiness. I feel bad, I reblog sooo much stuff from This Isn't Happiness, but I can't help myself! It is so awesome, I'm powerless not to share it.

Hey, I'm here right now, I feel like I should use this blog for what it's supposed to be used for, which is BLOGGING, dammit. I do so much reposting, and image posting, and very little personal blogging on here. So here we go, I'm going to BLOG some very personal bloggy type sheet. Right here. Right now.

I went to my friend Rob's wedding tonight. And as I was walking home, my friends and I passed an old recliner on the street. They started monkeying with it, and I warned them--like a scabby prophet of doom I shook my finger at them and said, "Leave that chair alone, it's probably covered in bedbugs!"

They said, "Hey, there's an unopened bottle of limoncello on this chair!"

I said, "Is it Danny Devito's Limoncello?"

"Yes, actually it is."

So, I got some free limoncello. Drinking it now. But my dog had to sit at home and wait for his evening walk, which was a big bummer to him, and he doesn't care about sweet lemon dessert drinks. The end.

Sometimes life is like this.

Cool book cover, #2

"We live in a system that espouses merit, equality, and a level playing field, but exalts those with wealth, power, and celebrity, however gained."
--Derrick Bell

"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, simply surrounded by assholes."

--William Gibson

Cool book cover, #1

Art Everywhere

via Reddit

Steve Jobs, drawn by Tim Gough