Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Bill Murray
Monday, July 9, 2012
Thursday, July 5, 2012
My Dog is Crazy
My mutt is a real nut! A couple days ago he said that his veterinarian was having sex with his secretary, and I know he’s not because I’ve seen photos of his wife and family on his desk.
So the next day I told the veterinarian what my dog said, and he said, “Whoah, your dog is definitely crazy. So crazy that I’m afraid we’re going to have to put him to sleep just to make sure he doesn’t talk about Sarah anymore,” and I said, “Who’s Sarah?” and the vet said, “Nobody.”
So I said, “You want to hear something really crazy? My dog said you might try to put him to sleep, and that if you did I should give you this manila envelope.” The vet asked me, “What’s in the envelope?” and I said, “I don’t know probably dog food or something. I saw him bury a copy in the back yard.”
I never got to see what was in the envelope because the vet took it into the other room. When he came out he looked very serious and said, “I’ve changed my mind. Your dog doesn’t need to be put to sleep, what he needs is medication.” He wrote down a prescription and handed it to me. It was a prescription for bacon. The vet said he’d continue to fill the prescription every day for the rest of my dog’s life, and then he gave me some bacon money. I asked, “Will this stop my dog from talking about you?” and he said, “God I hope so.”
I still don't know what all that was about, but I know this: I've got one kooky pooch!
So the next day I told the veterinarian what my dog said, and he said, “Whoah, your dog is definitely crazy. So crazy that I’m afraid we’re going to have to put him to sleep just to make sure he doesn’t talk about Sarah anymore,” and I said, “Who’s Sarah?” and the vet said, “Nobody.”
So I said, “You want to hear something really crazy? My dog said you might try to put him to sleep, and that if you did I should give you this manila envelope.” The vet asked me, “What’s in the envelope?” and I said, “I don’t know probably dog food or something. I saw him bury a copy in the back yard.”
I never got to see what was in the envelope because the vet took it into the other room. When he came out he looked very serious and said, “I’ve changed my mind. Your dog doesn’t need to be put to sleep, what he needs is medication.” He wrote down a prescription and handed it to me. It was a prescription for bacon. The vet said he’d continue to fill the prescription every day for the rest of my dog’s life, and then he gave me some bacon money. I asked, “Will this stop my dog from talking about you?” and he said, “God I hope so.”
I still don't know what all that was about, but I know this: I've got one kooky pooch!
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Kurt Vonnegut’s 8 rules for writing a short story
Originally listed in his short story collection Bagombo Snuff Box:
- Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.
- Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.
- Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.
- Every sentence must do one of two things—reveal character or advance the action.
- Start as close to the end as possible.
- Be a Sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them—in order that the reader may see what they are made of.
- Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.
- Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To hell with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.
Monday, July 2, 2012
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