REASONS GUNS ARE COOL

They don’t kill people
Movie stars hold them
Sometimes they have a cool scope on top
They are not terrifying killing machines used by evil people to sow destruction
You can use them to crack walnuts
They look cool tucked into the waistband of your pants
They can’t be used to harm people, especially not people like James A. Garfield or the guy who used to run the store on my corner.
They prevent wars
They all have that special feature that ensures they never go off accidentally
Babies like them
You can even use them when you’re drunk
They’re fun to draw
Sometimes they have a cup holder on the side
They’re shiny