Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Louis Ortiz is an Obama impersonator who was featured recently on an episode of This American Life. Before Obama ran for president, Ortiz was unemployed, broke, and suffering from m.s. Looking like Obama has helped him make a little money—appearing in Japanese films, rap videos, and an episode of Flight of the Concords—but he's still struggling. His life has also become very weird. Filmmaker Ryan Murdock has been following Louis for almost a year, and is trying to raise money to turn the footage into a movie. You can see the trailer [which looks pretty good] over at Kickstarter.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
The year is 1977, and America is finally getting over the nightmares of Watergate and Vietnam and the national hangover that was the 1960s. But not everyone is ready to let it go.
Not aging comedian Koo Davis, friend to generals and presidents and veteran of countless USO tours to buck up American troops in the field. And not the five remaining members of the self-proclaimed People's Revolutionary Army, who've decided that kidnapping Koo Davis would be the perfect way to bring their cause back to life...
The final, previously unpublished novel from the legendary Donald Westlake!
Curse the blasted, jelly-boned swines, the slimy, the belly-wriggling invertebrates, the miserable sodding rotters, the flaming sods, the snivelling, dribbling, dithering palsied pulse-less lot that make up England today. They've got white of egg in their veins, and their spunk is that watery it's a marvel they can breed. They can but frog-spawn — the gibberers! God, how I hate them! God curse them, funkers. God blast them, wish-wash. Exterminate them, slime.
I could curse for hours and hours — God help me.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Only rich people say, “Money can’t buy happiness.” If you ask a poor person, “If you had a million dollars, what would you buy?” they will never say, “First let me tell you what I couldn’t buy: happiness.”
Me: If I had money, I’d buy a trip to the dentist.
Rich dude: You know the dentist doesn’t sell happiness.
Me: That’s okay, I’d still like to get this cavity filled.
Rich dude: So you think not having a throbbing abscess in your jawbone will bring you happiness?
Me: Well . . .
Rich dude: See? This is why you’re poor. You think too small.
Me: I guess you’re right. Thanks for the advice.Rich dude: My pleasure. That’ll be $5.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
When we made House Of The Devil, we lived in this hotel [The Yankee Pedlar in Torrington, Connecticut]. And we made this satanic movie out in the middle of nowhere, but weird stuff would happen at the hotel. The whole town was obsessed with it being haunted; the people that worked there were obsessed with it being haunted. Cast and crew started believing it was haunted. So I wrote a movie about the experiences we had making that movie. That’s really where the inspiration came from.
When I was a kid I used to go nuts over Ed Emberly's many mammoth drawing books. The pages are packed with little characters, and he shows you how to draw them using simple lines and shapes. You can't get the full effect from these images, you really have to see the books as a whole, so I highly recommend picking up a few, especially if you have a kid you want to introduce to drawing. I wonder if Tom Gauld was influenced by Emberly? Their figures are similar.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
• Handcuff a suitcase to the vice president’s arm and command him not to open it unless there’s a nuclear war. Fake a nuclear war. When he opens the suitcase, have it be full of naked photos of his wife.
• Tell him that his job is very important. He fills a crucial role in the administration, and you value his contributions. Then ask him to empty your wastebasket.
• Have a Senior Advisor tell him that a new poll shows that Americans love it when he wears a bowtie.
• Ask him to stand in the corner of the oval office.
• Tell him that the White House needs to take a stronger stance on terrorism, and therefore you’d like him to drop the f-bomb sometime in his next speech.
• When foreign dignitaries visit, tell them the vice president speaks their language, then seat them together at lunch.
• Fake your own assassination. As the vice president is being sworn in as the president, have the first lady walk up and smack him in the face. ALTERNATE: Have the first lady walk up and kiss him on the lips, for a really long time.
• Ask him if he’s ever masturbated in the White House. Before he can answer, say, “Hold on a second,” and ask the director of the CIA to step in. Then say, “Okay, now answer.”
• Casually pass a joint around the table at a Cabinet meeting. If the vice president demurs, have the Attorney General assure him it’s cool.
• Walk into his office shuffling a stack of papers and looking confused. Say, “I don’t know what we should do about the economy. What do you think?” Ask him to write a 100 page report on the economic climate and give it to you tomorrow. When he hands it to you the next day, say, “Oh, the economy—yeah we fixed that already.” Then call him by the Secretary of Agriculture’s name.
• Wrap everything in his office in tinfoil. IMPORTANT: Have the CIA dose the vice president with LSD ahead of time.
• Displace a tribe of Native Americans from their land to erect a national monument, and name it after the vice president.