1. Grandma run over by reindeer
2. Christmas goose too silly for consumption
3. Rendition of Jingle Bell Rock doesn’t rock the way a song with the word “rock” in its title should
4. Nakatomi Towers taken over by terrorists
5. Global warming turns out to not be a liberal media scam; Santa’s operation at the North Pole melts and sinks beneath the Arctic Ocean’s icy waves.
6. Elves unionize
7. Born Jewish
8. Rabid squirrel in Christmas tree
9. Christmas bonus actually just a ham
10. Father dresses as Santa: falls off roof; gets stuck in chimney; kisses Mommy
11. Mogwai gets wet
12. Left at home while family goes on trip to Paris; forced to fight burglars
13. Ghost of your former business partner drops by and gives you a hard time for being a humbug
14. You have four different Christmases to go to in ONE SINGLE DAY!
15. You shoot your eye out
16. Caught under mistletoe with lecherous stepparent, and your eyes lock for one second too long
17. Father leaves to buy cigarettes, never returns
18. That sweater you're wearing is the real tragedy!
19. You discover that the true meaning of Christmas is soulless capitalism
20. All the Christmas presents and decorations are stolen from your tiny village . . . or is it a tragedy after all?
excerpt from Everything Explained Through Flowcharts