Presents

I have problems if I buy a present for a friend, and it's a present I would like myself—let's say, hypothetically, an Admiral Ackbar action figure. It stares at me through the lucite window, whispering: I could be yours. Open the box.

I can't keep that present in the house for long. I call my friend daily.

"Hey! Let's meet up and celebrate your birthday."

"I have a cool present for you. Let's get together."

"Please pick up your phone. We need to meet. Got a great present for you!"

I finally see my friend a week later. "Happy birthday! I got you a pack of cigarettes!"