A BILLIONAIRE in a tuxedo is waiting in line at a Dunkin Donuts.
He reaches the front of the line and points to the sign that advertises the latest donut special.
BILLIONAIRE
How much does that cost?
COUNTER GUY
That’s not for sale.
The billionaire leans forward on the counter and speaks confidentially.
BILLIONAIRE
Everything’s for sale.
(lays a wad of cash on the counter)
It’s just a question of price.
The counter guy walks into the back and talks to his manager.
COUNTER GUY
That dude wants to buy our powdered jelly deluxe nibbler deal counter display.
MANAGER
It’s not for sale.
In the background we can see the billionaire at the counter talking to an old guy next to him, who has a walker. We can’t hear what they’re saying, but the billionaire hands him a wad of cash, and the old guy pulls out his false teeth and hands them to him, which he puts in his pocket.
COUNTER GUY
He said everything’s for sale.
MANAGER
No it’s not.
The manager and counter guy walk back up to the counter.
MANAGER
Hello sir, welcome to Dunkin Donuts how may I help you?
BILLIONAIRE
(points to display)
I want to buy that.
(their dialogue here is a rapid back and forth, cutting each other off)
MANAGER
It’s not for sale—
BILLIONAIRE
Everything is for—
MANAGER
Not the deluxe nibbler deal counter display—
BILLIONAIRE
It’s just a question of price—
MANAGER
Five fifty five for five deluxe nibblers plus a large coolata—
BILLIONAIRE
The price of the sign, not the nibblers—
MANAGER
IT’S NOT FOR SALE!
The Billionaire turns to the counter guy.
BILLIONAIRE
I will pay you one million dollars to sleep with me.
COUNTER GUY
Absolutely.
BILLIONAIRE
Bring the sign with you.
COUNTER GUY
Okay. (Grabs sign and walks away with the billionaire.)
The Manager stands at the counter with the old guy as they both walk out. We hear the soft jingle of the door and a car starting up, blaring Pretty Woman.
MANAGER
(to old man)
How can I help you?
OLD MAN
(without teeth)
What’s your softest donut?
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