Thursday, July 5, 2012

My Dog is Crazy

My mutt is a real nut! A couple days ago he said that his veterinarian was having sex with his secretary, and I know he’s not because I’ve seen photos of his wife and family on his desk.

So the next day I told the veterinarian what my dog said, and he said, “Whoah, your dog is definitely crazy. So crazy that I’m afraid we’re going to have to put him to sleep just to make sure he doesn’t talk about Sarah anymore,” and I said, “Who’s Sarah?” and the vet said, “Nobody.”

So I said, “You want to hear something really crazy? My dog said you might try to put him to sleep, and that if you did I should give you this manila envelope.” The vet asked me, “What’s in the envelope?” and I said, “I don’t know probably dog food or something. I saw him bury a copy in the back yard.”

I never got to see what was in the envelope because the vet took it into the other room. When he came out he looked very serious and said, “I’ve changed my mind. Your dog doesn’t need to be put to sleep, what he needs is medication.” He wrote down a prescription and handed it to me. It was a prescription for bacon. The vet said he’d continue to fill the prescription every day for the rest of my dog’s life, and then he gave me some bacon money. I asked, “Will this stop my dog from talking about you?” and he said, “God I hope so.”

I still don't know what all that was about, but I know this: I've got one kooky pooch!

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