Sunday, August 28, 2011

Common Hurricane Questions

Hurricane Irene's shocking tameness has carved a swath of disappointment across the coast, leaving a lot of people to wrestle with difficult questions.

Q: What is this shit?
A: You said it.

Q: You call that a hurricane?
A: I don't, but apparently the liberal media does.

Q: What am I supposed to do with all this bottled water I bought? My basement didn't flood or nothin'!
A: Flood your basement with the bottled water.

Q: Yeah, I guess I could do that. But what about all these canned goods I bought?
A: Throw them at the front of your house to simulate hurricane damage. Or alternately, eat them, then throw yourself at the front of your house to simulate hurricane damage.

Q: Okay, I guess. . . . The hurricane didn't even knock down the bitch ass tree in front of my house!
A: Drink a bunch of Hurricane malt liquor. When you drive home, run over the tree with your car.

Q: How are you so wise?
A: Google + Wikipedia.

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