Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Million Dollar Movie Ideas, FAQs

Apparently there’s been some confusion surrounding my Million Dollar Movie Ideas©. I’m going to give the executives at Warner Bros. the benefit of the doubt here and assume these have been honest mistakes rather than malicious attempts to intentionally take advantage of the benevolent brilliance that I share so freely—although it’s not actually free. Look, it’s very simple: If you use one of my brilliant movie ideas, please mail me a large check.

Q: When you say “large,” check, do you mean a large amount of money, or a cartoonishly large check?
A: Preferably both, but if it has to be one or the other, please make it both.

Q: How much money should the check be made out for?
A: The title of this recurring feature is MILLION DOLLAR Movie Ideas.

Q: Some of these movie ideas are clearly worth more than a million dollars. How can you afford to charge so little for them?
A: I live simply.

Q: Do you want to see the script we write for your million dollar idea?
A: No offense, but there’s no way your bullshit script will live up to my million dollar idea. So no thanks, I’d rather not watch you brutally mutilate my child.

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